Puppy Day 2: The Nervous Breakdown

Here is my new puppy. Don’t be fooled by his adorableness. He is a vibrating, finger-biting, cat-harassing, carpet-pooping little monster. That charming curlicue tail is fuzz-covered worm set on a barbed hook. Those soulful little eyes issue commands like a drill sergeant from hell. “Toy!” they say. “Toy now! Throw!”

So I hoist my carcass off the couch, pick up the puppy-slobbered stuffy and toss it across the room.

I get a 0.03 second reprieve and he is back, wriggling at my feet, giving the stuffy a severe case of whiplash. One eye rolls back at me. “Tug. Tug now. I dare you.”

“Drop,” I say, firmly. Experts say tug encourages finger biting.

I am ignored. A game ensues. It is called Dare to grab the toy in the split second after I drop it, before I clomp down on it (or your finger) again.

I often win. Sometimes. I sometimes win.

Play continues until dog collapses in exhaustion. Isn’t he cute.

I rush to the computer to get 15 solid minutes of work done.

Rinse. Wash. Repeat.

To add variety, we go outside for a walk. Pee happens there. Not poo, though. Poo is saved for carpets.

Here he comes now—the evil puppy. Yeah, perk those ears a bit higher. You’re not fooling anyone. Those soulful brown eyes are a façade, hiding the soulless monster within. That sweet little whine is merely an echo of the bwahahaha in your cold, cold heart. Forget it, you’re not getting in my lap.

Uh uh.

Oh, no you don’t.

Not in this lifetime—or any other.

<*sigh*>

Oh, all right. Come up here. Dork.

The puppy passes out. This time, I pass out, too.

This story was originally posted back in April on marieloughin.com. As long as folks here at Pen in Hand were sharing their dog stories, I thought I’d share one of my own.

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About Marie Loughin

I love reading, writing, and editing speculative fiction of all sorts. My current focus is on writing contemporary fantasy, where I get to play god with characters from myth and legend. My Norse-based urban fantasy, Valknut: The Binding, is available at Kindle Books and other e-book retailers. You can find me at my blog (marieloughin.com) and on Twitter (@mmloughin).
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2 Responses to Puppy Day 2: The Nervous Breakdown

  1. Brilliant! Just absolutely brilliant. That put a big grin on my face – mostly because he’s not mine! hah!

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